I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
