And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
