So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
