She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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