i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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