Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We left an ass print on the piano.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Randomize
