Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
