I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
