From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
