I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
