you guys were way drunker than both of me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
