He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
