Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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