Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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