1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
