Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What a dumb baby whore.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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