just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
