Cold hands, warm shart.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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