last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
