i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
