I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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