tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
