I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize