Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish you could order shots online.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
