Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
