4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
