Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
