At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
