when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
