The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize