just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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