Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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