We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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