I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
NoShamevember. You game?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
