I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize