Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
