He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
