my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
