There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
