Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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