hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
