Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
