I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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