I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
