In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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