why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
