You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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