Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
time to smoke my breakfast
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
