so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
