I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my being single is dangerous.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
