You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
