Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i think i have two assholes
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
