One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
