Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
