is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
what day is it and did you see me today?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Randomize
