We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
how does that bad decision feel?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
