i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
