Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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