The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
