it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
