don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
