He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
