Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
someone threw a dead crab at me
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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