grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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