dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
