Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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