Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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