sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
