I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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