My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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