WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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