when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
