I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
