He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
