Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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