I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
