They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
