Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
