so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
