Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
