Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
