I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize