When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
