This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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