He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He better not be in your backpack
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
