so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
