oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
