Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
