This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
