I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
