JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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