Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize