What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
