we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize