I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Found the puke drawer
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
