Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
