You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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