Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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