I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
