The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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