Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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