great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize