what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
one might say we're banned from that church
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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