For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
