Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
