return my video game
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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