My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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