Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
should my penis look like a turkey
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
